Netflix the Power of Art Womenã¢ââ¢s Voices in Africa
xvi December 2017
'Sex is for the woman. This is because the man has to delight her and put her body in a certain state. Her pleasure is the most of import thing,' says Felix, a 68-year-quondam homo with a slight frame, sitting in his dwelling in Nyanza, a town in Rwanda'due south Southern Province. A painting of Jesus peers down at us. We can hear his wife pottering around outside.
For those familiar with Rwanda's gender politics, Felix'south words are non surprising. The land is an anomaly in East Africa; in the World Economic Forum'south 2017 Global Gender Gap Written report, Rwanda ranked 5th out of 144 countries, beaten only by Nordic countries. The 1994 genocide, in which the majority killed were men, encouraged President Paul Kagame to put women's empowerment at the forefront of policy. The land at present has more female parliamentarians than any state in the world, one of the highest rates of female labour force participation, and has passed laws granting gender equal land rights and three months paid motherhood exit for women.
The practice of kunyaza turns most Western – and African – conceptions of sex and gender politics on their head
Merely the source of Felix'due south seemingly progressive behavior near women's sexual pleasure pre-dates Kagame by hundreds of years. Our conversation is not nearly policy or the post-genocide recovery only kunyaza – a traditional Rwandan sex activity that puts the state's gender relations in a different calorie-free.
The founding myth of kunyaza comes from Nyanza, although different theories circulate in other countries in the Dandy Lakes, where the practice exists on a smaller scale. Nyanza was in one case the capital letter of the pre-colonial Kingdom of Rwanda; home to the Imperial Palace of the monarchy, which is now a museum. For generations, the men in Felix's family served the kings as dancers and poets. Felix likewise is a traditional dancer and choreographer, alongside his daily work as a farmer.
Co-ordinate to a myth passed down from generation to generation, during the tertiary dynasty of the Rwandan monarchy the queen's husband went abroad to state of war. Left unsatisfied by his absenteeism, she instructed i of her royal guards to have sex with her. The guard was nervous, so when he went to obey his order his body trembled against her – his penis shook against her clitoris and labia, rather than penetrating. This made the queen ejaculate for the first time. Upon his return, the queen asked her married man to perform this human activity on her. The ritualistic practice which helps women achieve kunyaza – crudely known in the West as squirting – was born.
The queen's myth is revealing and, in many ways, surprising – at least from a Western perspective, where the idea of female ejaculation remains shrouded in mystery. The queen proves herself to have needs which she finds a way of satisfying, demonstrating sexual independence and control over her body. Though this is much more common today, in that location are still many women around the earth who do not have, or do not feel that they take, these freedoms.
The last taboo
The practice of kunyaza turns most Western – and African – conceptions of sexual activity and gender politics on their head.
Tabloid newspapers and radio talk shows in East Africa are full of segments about what makes a 'good wife' and the importance of women pleasing men, in and outside the bedroom. And in Western civilisation, where sex activity tends to be centred on the pleasure of a man, female ejaculation is taboo. In 2014, the British Lath of Film Classification joined Commonwealth of australia in banning female ejaculation in porn, supposedly on the grounds that it also outlawed urolagnia (people urinating on each other for sexual pleasance) and it is hard to tell the two apart.
Female person ejaculation is non a rare phenomenon. A recent UK survey constitute that almost 40 per cent of the i,250 women surveyed had ejaculated fluid at the moment of climaxing. Rwandans interviewed for this story said it'south adequately rare to notice women who cannot achieve kunyaza – they are called mukagatare, a derogatory name in Kinyarwanda meaning 'rock-woman'. In Sacred H2o (2016), a documentary nigh the exercise, sexologist Vestine Dusabe estimates eighty or 90 percent of Rwandan women 'have water'. What matters is the homo's ability to make it happen.
Dominance or subjugation?
'It was expected of me equally a man,' explains Felix, the sound of his cows mooing in the background.
Traditionally, the ability to make a woman ejaculate is a central feature of Rwandan masculinity – which in other means does non differ from stereotypical toxic norms such equally appearing tough, unemotional, demonstrating dominance over women, and fulfilling the role of protector.
'If a man couldn't practise it, the families would assemble and discuss the affair. They would take back the girl and give you lot back the moo-cow you bought as a dowry, considering y'all are a weak man,' Felix says.
He then spoke of a nuptials dark tradition where the adult female is expected to resist the advances of the human – in some cases the ensuing struggle would even crusade the new wife's bones to break. 'Information technology'due south the woman'due south responsibleness to respect the human,' says Felix, matter-of-factly. 'The human being is the president of the business firm, he has the last word on anything.'
In one sense, then, kunyaza is not necessarily an emancipatory feminist exercise; it can sit comfortably with male person control over the woman's trunk. However, during sex, Rwandan women lie back to enjoy an feel which prioritizes their pleasure – not that of the so-called president of the house. Here lies a tension between the centrality placed on men executing the practice, and the fact that its ultimate aim is the woman'south pleasure. In this button-and-pull betwixt the genders, command slips between the two.
Marie-Josee, 78, has been a potter all her life, a profession typical of her ethnic grouping – the long-marginalized Batwa people. Despite being visually impaired, she has a permanent twinkle in her eye. At the mention of kunyaza, Marie-Josee'southward eyes shine even brighter and she roars with laughter.
'When I got married and my husband did it for the first fourth dimension, it was an epiphany,' she says, clapping her peel-croaky hands together in delight. 'He was very good at it, right until the day he died.'
As we sit down on some grass up a hill, abroad from the prying optics and ears of her fellow villagers, Marie-Josee explains that it depends on the human being'southward skills. 'If he'southward really proficient it'south going to look like somebody has been taking a shower. But if it doesn't happen the woman might go and find some other homo. I had friends who did this if their hubby didn't requite them h2o.'
Between metropolis and country
Gogo, a 38-year-old marketplace-seller in Kigali, stands with a friend on a balcony overlooking the daily bustle. 'Kunyaza is very of import because the man likes information technology,' she says, explaining how it is important that she maintains the practice to make sure her husband doesn't go elsewhere.
She goes on to put the onus on the adult female to reach kunyaza: 'If a homo tin can't practise it and so information technology is the woman'southward task to teach him. But if a woman cannot do information technology then she is dry out, which is a problem.'
We're self-taught, basing sexual activity mostly on what we encounter in Western porn, and y'all don't encounter much kunyaza in that location
For Gogo, information technology was her grandmother who told her about kunyaza: 'she said that at that place are ii types of men. Those that please the adult female, and those that don't.' Having older female person relatives imparting sexual advice on girls and women before marriage is typical in traditional Rwandan families.
Only for wealthier young city types with Wifi and smartphones, at that place is a new source of sex didactics: pornography.
'If you lot acquire well-nigh sex by getting drunk with your grandparents, you lot're more prone to exercise kunyaza,' says Jean, 26, an engineer who asked for his existent name not to exist used. 'In the middle classes no ane has time for that. Dad'southward working, mum's working, so yous've just got Telly and the net. We're self-taught, basing sex mostly on what we see in Western porn, and you don't run into much kunyaza there,' he laughs.
Ironically, while gender equal policies backed by the Due west are reeled out – annual funding from USAID to Rwanda increased from about $48 million to over $128 million betwixt 2004 and 2016 – the overarching influence of Western porn and popular culture, which is and so often focused on the needs of men and toxic gender norms, is simultaneously making sexual practice in Rwanda less equal.
Excavation into a breakfast burger at a buffet in primal Kigali – 'Sorry, I need to cure my hangover' – he and his friends even use the term 'squirting' (instead of kunyaza or 'h2o') equally office of their Americanized English vocabulary. He says that kunyaza doesn't always fit in with modern city life.
'Before, people waited for union to accept sex, and in that location was the tradition of a girl meeting your aunt to talk well-nigh sexuality before the wedding,' he says, adding that because of this the practise is more than common for married couples.
Some practices were discarded because the missionaries thought they were dirty, that it was a sin to the Christian god to keep practicing kunyaza, all because the white men didn't know virtually it
'But present people are more than promiscuous. And I'm non going to tell my dad, "Oh I wanna have sexual practice with this girl what should I do," or whatever. He probably thinks I'm still a virgin,' Jean grins.
He explains that while he practices kunyaza on his sexual partners and loves it, it'south non a deal billow – though he knows that if he marries a traditional Rwandan adult female it will be expected. He also says that because it is a long, ritualistic practice, he reserves it for women he really likes or is in a longer relationship with, adding that 'our families are nevertheless very conservative so yous sneak out to accept sex when you're growing upwards. It's got to be a quick affair, outside the club or in a car.'
His friend Manzi, 22, a media pupil and dancer, tries kunyaza most times he has sexual practice – though he's non always successful. 'It is my priority to pleasure the woman, I come later on,' he says.
'I enjoy it then much if she releases, the free energy she lets off. It's magical. I feel like a lion or a rex. I feel proud, like I'm in the clouds. I made that happen,' he says, full of youthful energy.
Similar his older counterpart Felix, making a woman ejaculate is central to feeling like a human being. But information technology's not just a case of him doing it to a passive woman who doesn't mind either way, who only lies there in order to assert his masculinity: 'Women await it. Sometimes they ask y'all for it. They say please, practise it for me. They like it.'
A man in a nearby barber shop agrees, remembering the first fourth dimension he did the practice: 'We had sexual practice and she taught me how it'south washed, she grabbed my penis and the h2o came. That woman really impressed me.'
'Western feminism'
Originally from Western Uganda, Simba, 37, is a herbal dr. who lives and works in Kigali. He feels strongly that the Westernization which pervades Rwandan society today has had an affect on sex and gender politics.
'Information technology goes back to colonial times. In society to control us the white people brought new ideas and new systems to Africans to derail our culture,' he explains sitting in his part in Nyamirambo, a busy area known for its nightlife, unusually vibrant for quiet Kigali.
'Some practices were actually discarded because the missionaries idea they were dirty, that it was a sin to the Christian god to keep practicing kunyaza, all because the white men didn't know almost it,' he argues.
Simba makes it his business to explain 'the African way of having sex' to those who come to him, and makes his ain herbal medicine which he says gives women more than 'water'. 'When they come, some don't even know about the clitoris. That lack of understanding and fear is because of these exterior religions,' he says, acrimony in his voice.
Yet Simba also believes that gender equality is some other Western import. 'We believe that men are superior,' he says, looking me straight in the eye. 'In our culture you must bow down to whatsoever man.'
Here we have another irony. Political leaders, funders and aid agencies from Europe and the US take supported Kagame's gender progressive policies in Rwanda, yet this dynamic gives weight to the thought that equality between men and women is 'un-African'. The country's perceived gender equality did not emerge from abode-grown women'southward rights or feminist movements, simply from policies influenced by outsiders – and implemented by a leader focused primarily on economical development.
And behind the impressive statistics, some research suggests Kagame'south gender policies have non trickled down, or translated from the workplace to home. Justine Uvuza, who worked for the Department of Gender after the genocide, wrote a PhD in 2014 based on confidential interviews with Rwanda's female politicians. She argues that despite their public ability, in the abode these high flying women are nevertheless expected to fulfill traditional roles such as housework and childcare. Women may have more rights, but sometime fashioned ideas about femininity and masculinity continue to be upheld.
Post-genocide Rwanda is a country in flux, and a exciting mix of religion, Westernization and prevailing local traditions make up people'due south confused attitudes towards gender and sex. It could be argued that kunyaza is inherently a feminist exercise – but while it operates under the patriarchy the reality is not so clear cut.
Old habits
At the superlative of a mountain in a remote part of Gakenke, Northern Province, this complex web of political and cultural influences haven't had such an bear upon on the people who telephone call this isolated paradise home. Or perhaps farmers Tharcisse and Tatinne, both 83, are merely two of a kind.
'Kunyaza is for the man and for the adult female, because in that location is synchronization,' Tharcisse explains, in his faint voice, sat on a rock overlooking rolling green hills.
'This is important in a relationship. Information technology'south not about you ordering the other person what to do or using strength or abusing a adult female. I saw that when I was growing up merely it doesn't happen anymore. Those are very old mentalities. If you want to move and progress you accept to build together.'
Tatinne agrees: 'For example, weeding our country. We have sit together and decide together how nosotros will exercise that.'
When I've finished the interview, Eric, our cheeky fixer, asks the peaceful old couple one final question. Tharcisse smiles.
'Nosotros don't practise it anymore because we are not able,' he says. 'But we nonetheless cuddle.'
This story is part of Big Men , a European Journalism Centre projection telling stories about men, masculinity and gender equality in Kenya, Uganda and Rwanda.
Text by Alice McCool. Illustration by Charity Atukunda. Photo and video by Thomas Lewton.
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Source: https://newint.org/features/web-exclusive/2017/12/15/kunyaza-rwanda-sex-equality